01/24/2013 10:07 pm
1) My golf ball doesn’t know how to swim and gets scared.
2) I prefer the long ball and in wet/humid conditions my ball flies limp like spaghetti.
3) If I wear too many layers I feel like I just ate “Thanksgiving Supper” at the Golden Corral near the freeway.
4) Rain gear is a bad excuse for a sauna/day spa.
5) I like my Nike golf shoes too much to get them dirty.
6) Umbrellas and me don’t get along. Like the Lakers.
7) Due to cart path only rules (often when it rains) I actually have to walk to my ball and then I feel like I am getting too much exercise
8) Usually with rain and cold weather comes Coots. A sad excuse for a bird and actually something that doesn’t “Taste Just Like Chicken.”
9) Drinks taste better when you are hot and thirsty (except a good cup of joe or hot chocolate, but they sure arn’t a Pacifico!!!)
10) What can I say, I’m just a big fan of sunshine and today isn’t the “Greatest Day of My Life!!!!” A lame attempt at bringing a Caddyshack quote to my blog.
12/11/2012 8:56 pm
10 Reasons why I think the USGA and R&A have overstepped their boundaries by banning Belly and Long Putters (no more anchoring)
1) This has been allowed for decades and you suddenly feel like a rule is going to make the game better more equitable in competition. “Wha chyou talking about Willis?”
2) Telling a man he can’t use his belly putter is like telling your wife she can only use half of her credit card or your in-laws the room is free, but I have to charge for sheets and towels. “You get a free bowl of soup with that hat? Hey but it looks good on you.”
3) Some people who use belly or long putters use them because their backs hurt, their nerves are shot, and they have lost all confidence with a regular type putter. Way to handicap the handicapped. “Fahget about it!!!”
4) On one hand you want to grow the game and on the other you want to ban a way that some people believe makes the game easier for the masses. Hello!!!! You are a contradiction of yourself. “Come on Mannnn!!!”
5) What is next? Banning rescue clubs because they help people get the ball air born? Banning gloves because they help you hold onto the club? Banning sweaters because they keep you warm and comfortable? Banning course bathrooms so that you can relieve yourself? “I noticed your grips were worn Judge Smells, I should have told you and put some stickem on them.”
6) Why not focus your energies on making the game more sustainable, more accepted, more affordable, more fun??? Boo hoo USGA and R&A, boo hoo!!!! “FORE!!!”
7) Hey I have a better idea, why not have less rules, then more rules. If I wanted to use 15 clubs so be it. If I wanted to use a juiced up ball, allrighty then!!!! If I wanted to bump my ball to a better lie to make it easier, then ole!!!! “Do you like movies about gladiators Bobby?”
8) If you are going to ban belly putters you might as well ban white drivers, yellow balls, pom pom headcovers and neon shirts. If you don’t want any silly, make a real statement. “Porterhouse I said no wax buildup!!!”
9) If you “Drive for show and putt for dough” why in the hell did you just shut down our ATM?
10) Clergy worldwide will revolt when swear words (as a result of more missed putts and sore backs) start echoing through canyons, near residences and schools. I am more afraid how the adults will act. “The name of golf came by default. All the other four letter words had already been taken.”
Our USGA is missing the boat badly on this one. Too bad really. Then again with all that free time and $$$$ what else could they have been working on??? Hmm I don’t know…maybe growing the game!!!!
11/21/2012 10:41 pm
Everything changes with time. Everything. The Oreo is getting smaller, people are running faster, cars are becoming more energy efficient and Donald Trump is crazier than that comb over (okay that isn’t new, but an easy zing!!!) Same goes for what is expected of everyday golfers. By expected I mean how a golfer should act, dress, clean up after themselves, their personal and group’s pace of play, etc. etc.
In the old days when mules pulled your pull cart and sheep grazed the unkempt turf, golf was an experience only enjoyed by elite, traditionalists who could actually name an opera or two or better yet the difference between a French, British or German composure. Golf now is played by the likes of rock and roll stars, kids, minorities, woman, the handicapped, and the cool kids. What does Tom Brady and Kelly Slater have in common other than my wife finds them “attractive” and has them on her “list”? They play golf. How about band members from Pearl Jam, No Doubt or Motley Crue? Golf baby. How about them apples, girls, girls, girls????
So now that golf has become cool, the overall vibe of golf must remain cool to not only retain our new golfers, but also encourage others to step up to the plate and find their enjoyment in it. How do we do that? Casual and fun dress with lots and lots of options is one way. Wear what you want to wear, wear what you feel comfortable in, wear what you can afford, wear your style, not someone elses.
Use golf equipment which only makes it easier to score well like belly putters (stay away USGA!!!), juiced up golf balls and 460 cc sized drivers. Some card shark once said “if you aint cheatin, you aint trying.” We aren’t encouraging you to cheat Lance, but to take advantage of the resources allotted to all golfers.
We need to speed the heck up!!!! A pace of play which promotes god speed and not sun burns is a must. A round of golf is not a commitment to get skin cancer, it should be a test of skill, endurance and patience. But our patience has ended for the person who thinks their guest fee entitles them to play a round in over 4 hours and 15 minutes. Either keep up or move over. The fun golf train is coming through!!!! All aboard!!!
Course conditions have to be good and consistent wherever someone elects to play. To do that we all have to do a better job of raking bunkers, fixing divots, repairing ball markers and throwing away our trash. No one is entitled to playing a shot, a hole, or a round and leaving the facility worse off than they found it. Pick up after yourselves, treat the golf course like your mom’s fancy living room on holidays. Don’t mess it up or you can’t sit at the adults table anymore. If you hit a bunker shot, clean your shoes before you enter the green. Tap your shoes a few times with our sand wedge. If you hit a bunker shot or pitch shot and the sand or divot goes all over the green, please clean it up. Your mom isn’t going to do it for you. Why should the people playing behind you do it? Why should we?
It is time to simply play some fun golf. Whether you hit a good shot or not so good a shot, you still should have a smile on your face and thankful to be outside, to be with family and friends, to be athletic, to challenge yourself. To be cool. The game of golf loves you. It is time you love it back!!!!!